Warning to the Myvu Geordi LaForge Types

A friend of mine recently sent me a marketing email regarding this product, the myvu, a video eyewear device for connecting to your iPod, or portable video player of choice. With apologies to this friend…it’s eyebiting time.

I do not know if I have ever come across a product so worthy of a bite in the eyes – due in no small part to the fact that the creators of this myvu decided (with audacity!) to center the concept of the product itself around eyewear (the last line of defense against the eyebite). But biteyoureyes I will, myvu-ers.

1. Stupid mfing name. The latest in a recent string of stupid product or web site names that sound more like a Star Trek alien, or an inoculant, than something you can use. Not that anyone is going to use this thing (I hope.)

2. If my hope goes dry, and people do use these things, the myvu is going to cause some monumental Geordi LaForge confusion. Everyone is going to think they’re Geordi LaForge!

Myvu-er #1: Hello. My name is Geordi LaForge.

Myvu-er#2: You aren’t Geordi. I am Geordi!

Myvu-er#1: You ain’t nothin’ but a Kunta Kinte in space googles.

Myvu-er#2: Oh yeah?! Well…Reading Rainbow!

3. The creators of the myvu seem to think its a good idea to market this product as something that is safe to use while walking around the city. This will cause:

• People to get hit by buses.
• Podriatic glaucoma.
• Hard-ons in the streets (naughty boys myvu-ing porn).

That’s as good a place to end as any. Hard-ons in the streets. Myvu-ers…(creators and users alike)? I break yo’ fancy Geordi LaForge glasses. And…

…ibiteyoureyes.