Havoc

June 22, 2006

Off the bat, I’m going to admit that I only wanted to watch this movie because it offered a chance to see Anne Hathaway’s breasts in a heterosexual friendly fashion. Plus, it had Bijou Philips of “The Door in the Floor” fame (More on TDITF–best title of all time. Just say it in one of those over-dramatic movie announcer voices. You can’t not laugh.) and the chance at sapphic love between the two. Alas, Anne does not reciprocate her friend’s feelings. The movie is pretty awful, although not without watchable moments. It also probably took itself more seriously than any movie I’ve ever seen.

Academy Award winner Stephen Gaghan wrote the script. This makes sense, as every character in the movie appears to be based on Topher Grace’s character in Traffic or Max Minghela’s character in Syrianna. Gaghan’s obsession with good looking druggie teenagers knows no bounds. There’s also a film maker character who is probably based on Stephen Gaghan’s own experiences as a nerdy teenager who really wanted to sleep with Anne Hathaway. In short, he was the most believable character in the movie.

The other characters are all suburban wiggers who want to see the “real” world and travel to the dark hispanic underworld of East LA. 16th Street! Joseph Gordon Levitt gives a totally convincing performance as a young wigger in love, supplanting Alexander Hamilton as Columbia’s most successful graduate.

But the real highlight of the movie was this choice moment. While spending a night in Juvie, Anne Hathaway is made fun of by a group of street tough sisters. Anne’s parents come and bail her out, at which point one of the harrassers offers this choice line: “She got parents?” I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind that this is based on the line “Peter Pan’s got kids?” from Hook, and laughed for the next hour or so.

Sigh, they don’t make teen social dramas like they used to. Hopefully American Pie 4 will make up for Havoc.

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2 Responses to “Havoc”


  1. […] Has our beloved Anne Hathaway, a fixture of the pre-hiatus Yesterday’s Salad, actually joined 16th street? Why didn’t Ted Kennedy and John McCain talk about this on “Meet the Press” this […]

  2. Ari Ola Says:

    Three reasons to see this movie. Anne Hathaway performing a blowjob. Anne Hathaway masturbating and Anne Hathaways fully erect nipple in the masturbation scene. Truly a diverse and talented performance.


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