America

July 11, 2006

Almost a week since my last update. I’m sure my readership has dwindled. I’ll try and get back into a regular groove.  I also finally have something to write about. Last night took me and my friend Alec on an epic trip to find America. The goal: to drive to Iowa, find the great American Diner, and have some real American Apple Pie. It was a moderate success, although there were a few moments that made the night completely worth it.

1) On the way to Iowa it started to rain really badly, and we had to pull over. We went to a gas station roughly 12 miles outside of Dixon, IL, the birthplace of Ronald Regan to wait out the store, and struck up a conversation with the owner of the station, a man named BJ who is the American dream. BJ came here from India 10 years ago, worked hard, and now owns a series of gas stations around Illinois. He hates White Hen Pantry, and sells alot of bait at weird hours of the night. BJ is also very good friends with the owner of the Amsterdam Gentlemen’s Club in Davenport Iowa, a Pakistani (see, America is great; we bring people together). BJ told us to tell Jay, the owner, that he sent us, and that all would be taken care of–unfortunately Alec and I wanted apple pie, not cherry, and continued on our quest without stopping at the Amsterdam gentlemen’s club. He also told us a good story about taking a friend there, only for the friend to find out that one of his ex girlfriends was now a stripper. HAHA.

Speaking of smut, at one point we passed an “Adult Entertainment Spa” that promised “Adult Massages”. The place was basically a trailer with neon lights off the side of the road. That’s not a spa, that’s a whore house.

2) Eventually we got to Walcott, Iowa, the terminus of our trip and the home of the World’s Largest Truck Stop. While the pie was only so-so, the place was real Americana. It’s basically a trucker fashion/supply shopping mall, with anti-Jane Fonda bumper stickers, a movie theater, a TV den, a Barber shop, and a DENTIST’s office. We also met a great trucker whose ex-wife shot him twice—because driving her crazy was the cheapest way to get a divorce. We also encountered a lot of casual racism and fear of black people.

Iowa looked like it would be really pretty. The Mississippi was something to see, even pitch black. There’s also a “Silo and Smoke Stack” historical area, and you can just tell it’s beautiful and flat. I’m probably gonna go back in a few weeks to try and see more of America. Or, at least the hobo museum.

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5 Responses to “America”

  1. Cody Says:

    I am still without internet, but I read Yesterday’s Salad whenever possible, despite slow posting.

  2. nathan Says:

    dear sir,

    i am still part of the dwindling readership, but would like yesterday’s salad to come primarily from yesterday and not from last week.
    yours,

    still in the readership, esquire


  3. […] to California, and a depressing year of graduate school on the horizon, my zany adventures (i.e. the late night trip to Iowa for Apple Pie, my early-morn jaunt to boston via milwaukee and detroit, and the as-yet-unblogged epic day long […]


  4. […] 1st, 2007 One of the highlights of my first year as a blogeur was my late night trip to Iowa, a trek I hope to approximate within the next two weeks. One of the quirks of the earlier trip that […]


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