Trip of Errors

July 18, 2006

Chicago and the rest of America are in the midst of a terrible heatwave, but you would never be able to tell from the frozen confines of my bedroom in my parents’ basement. I’m even considering turning on the space heater. I’m about to go to Boston with my dad tomorrow. This trip has been utterly jinxed for the last week or so. We waited until the absolute last minute to book tickets because my parents couldn’t finalize vacation plans (as of this moment they still don’t know what they’re doing. My guess is speaking to each other in annoyed tones, place TBD) and by the time we did, we were priced out of all reasonable flights. We debated flights for a few hours (there was a great deal on flying to Islip!), eventually settling on a flight directly to boston…only for me to realize we booked a flight for the wrong date. Thankfully American cancelled the reservation. It is yet to be seen if they’ve charged us. Then we decided not to fly, that the only option, a 6:00am flight from Milwaukee to Detroit to Boston made no sense. Lo and behold, my dad can’t sleep that night, and we book the flight.

Cut to tonight. I may have made my second major internet gaffe and booked us a smoking room at the hotel. My dad will be pissed if they dont change us. He’s not one to say fuck, grab a pack, and make the best the shitty situation. The problem was the internet listing on AAA.com looked like this “2 DBL Beds Continental Breakfast Smoking Free Wireless Internet Spaghetti” (ok, there was no promise of spaghetti.) It was impossible to tell if the room was Smoking Free or if there was Free Wireless Internet. Probably it should say Non-Smoking, but this is the first time I’ve ever booked a room, so what do I know? I’m so ashamed right now…

That and my parents’ anxiety seems to have rubbed off on me right about now. I’m totally on edged and convinced I won’t be able to find an apartment. I probably wont, knowing my luck this trip, or else I’ll take a shitty studio for way too much money. It’s like I never left New York.

So I need to do something to take the edge off my mind. I decided to come up with theme mix tapes.

Theme 1: Songs about Writing

1. Paperback Writer, the Beatles. The first Beatles’ single not to be a love song, PW was the number one song in America for 2 weeks, before Frank Sinatra bumped them out of the number one spot. What would be the equivalent of this today? Coldplay knocking Gwen Stefani out of the top position? I can’t wait until the rock and roll hall of fame has to vote on these people. Please tell me that ‘NSync reforms and makes the hall.

2. Everyday I write the book, Elvis Costello. I actually used to think this song was “everyday I rock the boat.” In which case, this would be on my sailing mix. Also on my sailing mix: Blue Monday, New Order (“I see a ship in the harbor”); Ship the Majestic Suffix, Danielson; and Rule Britannia, Her Majesty’s Navy (“Britons never never shall be slaves!”)

3. Open Book, Cake. Easily the 5th best song on Fashion Nugget, which was easily the best cake album, and Cake was easily the best alt-country band not featuring Scott McCaughy.

4. This Song is Just Six Words Long, Weird Al Yankovitz. Ok, it’s about writing a song, but meta song lyrics are still about authorial tendencies. And besides, how do you fill three minutes worth of time in a pop-song?

5. My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors, Moxy Fruvous. Benj Kamm’s best contribution to my record collection. Besides, how do you not love a song whose wikipedia description is, “The song tells the story of a man whose girlfriend seems to be more interested in books than in him”?

Theme 2: Down with America

1. America is Not the World, Morrissey. Take that America and your stupid quarry being ass!

2. When the President Talks to God, Bright Eyes. So maybe it’s about criticizing this president and not America. To challenge el presidente and to speak your mind is just plain wrong and un patriotic. For that matter, so is voting democratic, riding a bicycle to save on gas mileage, keeping your home at a reasonable temperature, and employing American citizens. All things you can’t do if you want to be a good citizen.

3. Born in the USA, Bruce Springstein. Do you think if Kerry had used it instead of Reagan, Americans left and right would know it was a protest song? I think not. John Kerry equals obfuscation.

4. I’m Afraid of Americans, David Bowie. When will Bowie bring back his techno phase? I’m just saying, he’s revived everything else.

5. The Theme Song to America’s Funniest Home Videos. For shame America. How could you let that be you?

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3 Responses to “Trip of Errors”

  1. Cody Says:

    Descendants – ‘Merican

  2. DiBs Says:

    Yesterday’s Salad?

    More like Last Week’s Salad. Bah!


  3. […] 21st, 2007 A little under a year ago, I embarked on a house hunting trip to Boston. But not one to be contented with a direct flight, I […]


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