Two Posts!

August 10, 2006

Maybe the greatest Reuters article I’ve ever read.

It’s about Mary Carey’s new attempt to run for the governor of Cali.
Highlights: “Carey, who announced in December that she had lost weight, replaced her teeth and acquired new, size 36-D breasts, drew a throng of photographers and gawkers as she entered the building, inspiring one man to call out: ‘Mary, you’re thinner!'”

And that Yesterday’s Salad should really be weekly, or bi-weekly salad. But as none of my loyal readers have ever submitted photographs of their salads, I really can’t blame myself for this. All of you are terrible people.

A couple of thoughts to get the ball rollin’ (like how we play it on the south side, eliminating the R and such)

1) I really need to thank NBC for re-airing the Tonight Show at 2:30am CDT (live for Hawaii, perhaps?). Even while drunk and imbibing copious amounts of water in order to not be hungover in the morning, Leno is intolerably bad, especially when compared to the episode of the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn that I watched earlier. Yes, I have archives of the Kilborn show, what of it? You would too if you were both awesome now and a loser in 9th grade. So take that. Besides, one day CBS will have to syndicate those episodes from me!

2) Who is the 2 am news intended for? After getting disgusted with Leno, I threw on the CBS 2 am news. Is this live? Are there people who normally watch the news–no, make that depend on the news–at this hour? At 2 am I need to see C and D cup breasts on my television, not Mark Malone telling me that the Bears held a practice. All TV shows should be replaced by the spanish equivalent. Then forced to be in English because this is America.

3) Stella is way funnier than Trailer Park Boys

4) While the Cove may have cheaper pitchers, nothing beats Jimmy’s Woodlawn Tap for the chaos that is last call. To be correct there was none. They just kind of kicked us out at 1:38 and offered to sell us six packs for the road. Actually not a bad deal because….

5) Kimbark liquors closes at 11. After milling about the store for what seemed like 3 hours, and threatening to buy only a ton of wine coolers, Alec, Eric and I finally made a purchase. Alec gave me 11 dollars, which I added to my own 11 dollars to not promptly buy some kahlua drink, wine coolers, and champagne. I was embarrassed while buying my alcohol. I told the cashier, “This is the worst 22 dollars ever spent on alcohol.” then he said, “it’s 22 dollars.” Truer words have never been said.

The real lesson for the night: not enough wine coolers.