mothers with young children, be warned: this next post might not be appropriate for you and/or your scions. normally we at Yesterday’s Salad do not post smut; we merely comment on it. today is somewhat of an exception. in the interest of explicating what i consider to be major social commentary, i have decided to post the mp3 and lyrics to Spank Rock’s opus “Lindsay Lohan.” those with faint hearts, and those just waking up from comas still believing that Lindsay is the sweet teen from Confessions of a Drama Queen, or 65 year old Altman fanatics who know of miss Lohan only from her turn in A Prairie Home Companion, proceed with caution. our song of the day (not a regular feature) concerns miss lohan’s ignoble descent into degradation and hoochieness.

The smut begins after the jump.

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joebiden1.jpgWith my first post here at the Salad, I figured there would be nothing more appropriate to do than to piss all over the dreams of our gracious host. For those of you who don’t know, international man of derring-do Dash Hammerskjold — proprietor of Yesterday’s Salad and all of SaladCorpGlobal — is a an unabashed Biden backer. For reasons that many would call insane (including this author), Cpl. Hammerskjold is of the belief that there is only one man who can save America; one man who can set this country back on track to that shining city on the hill so it can be morning again in America. Luckily, I am here to inform you that Dash’s mad plans have once again been thwarted. Joe Biden will not be President of the United States.

Those of you still reading are probably wondering who the hell Joe Biden is (other than a man who will not be president). The short bio is that he is a long time Democratic senator from Delaware who has wanted to be president his whole life, never knows when to shut up, and is completely in the pocket of corporate special interests. I could probably end this post right here given that you could replace “Delaware” with “Massachusetts” and end up with a pretty good description of John Kerry.

Sure, I suppose I could offer reasoned, careful, and accurate analysis. I could say that, although Biden has announced his candidacy multiple times, nobody seems to have noticed. I could also mention that he is reviled by many Democrats and the polling reflects that. Furthermore, I could even bring up the political coup de grace that the last time he ran for president (1988 for those of you playing Yesterday’s Salad: the Home Edition), he dropped out in disgrace after being accused of plagiarizing a significant portion of his stump speech from a British politician. To be fair, however, that scandal was mostly trumped up by the Dukakis campaign and, given a choice, I to would rather be a known for being a plagiarist than for getting schooled by “Snoopy” Dukakis.

Let’s face it, though. Rational analysis has nothing to do with politics (See: 2004 election). So without further ado, here are the real reasons Joe Biden will not win in 2008 (after the break):

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