2008 Watch: Why Rudy Giuliani Will Not Be President

January 11, 2007

rudygiuliani1.jpgThis one is just too easy, so I’ll keep it brief. Can anyone really imagine the Republican party nominating a cross-dressing, socially liberal, cousin-marrying, divorced adulterer who would run on a national security platform despite the fact that he’s never even served at the state level of government?

His value is 100% tied to the fact that he happened to be mayor on 9/11. The perception is that he acted boldly and nobly and I’m willing to believe he did a good job until proved otherwise. It doesn’t matter, however, what the reality is. When your value as a candidate is tied to a single biographical achievement, that makes you vulnerable. John Kerry was nominated largely because people believed he was a war hero. Decorated officer vs Champagne Brigade pilot sounds like a good match-up for Democrats on the national security issue, right? It may have been, except it opened Kerry up to the Swift Boaters. Because Kerry was relying too heavily on his war record, all Republicans had to do was cast doubt on it in order to undermine his entire campaign. Against a savvy opponent, Giuliani will be faced with similar charges against his performance on 9/11. In this media climate, it doesn’t really matter whether the allegations are true or not. Once they are made, they will become the story. It’s classic Rovian politics: turn the enemy’s strengths into weaknesses. The Giuliani campaign might be able to play defense, but so far it looks like the Keystone Kops are running the show. (As an aside, it bothers me that nobody knows who the Keystone Kops are anymore, so I’ve begrudgingly included a link)

Still it all comes down to this: how much money will it cost to erase the image of Rudy’s fuck-me pumps from the minds of American voters? Somewhere between eleventy-trillion and infinity would be my professional guess.

Notice I left out his connections to various unsavory figures, not least of which being his joint business venture with former cabinet-nominee and hilariously-corrupt Bernard Kerik. That might hurt him in the general, but based on their love of the Bush clan, I’m kind of assuming that sort of corruption doesn’t daunt too many Republican primary voters.

Rudy Giuliani is not alone! See who else won’t be president.

One Response to “2008 Watch: Why Rudy Giuliani Will Not Be President”

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