well, this ought to be incoherent

February 15, 2007

From time to time I like to enjoy alcoholic beverages. Hopefully someone else will post something soon; I’d hate for this to be the only thing on the Salad tonight, the only source of illumination on an otherwise dreary New England eve. My ramblings will hopefully not lead you too far astray [word note: as far as I can tell, astray has nothing to do with the ’80s band The Stray Cats.]

I’m reminded of the great poem, “Reflections on Ice-Breaking.” I learned it as a child from Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder version), but nonetheless it belongs to Ogden Nash:

Candy/Is Dandy/But Liquor/Is Quicker

Tonight, I’m afraid, I’d break quick. Nights of “soft” drinking really catch up to you. I didn’t feel like I was drinking much, but then it had been hours, and, while I’m not drunk, I’m not exactly right as rain either.

This post is going nowhere. So here, a link. Feel free to go. Or do not go. Go go go. Og og og. Now I sound like Ibiteyoureyes. Your eyes? My eyes!

The link is about choosing new at-bat music for David Wright, the New York Metropolitans’ 3rd Basement/second-half fader extraordinaire. He apparently has decided to replace “Brass Monkey” (that funky monkey) as his warm-up music with a hitherto-be determined tune. This is actually a favorite discussion topic of mine, so here is my list of the 5 best songs to come out to. (Ack! I’ve ended with a preposition!)

1) Dancing Queen, Abba- Nothing says secure enough in your sexuality to get all the [chicks/male version of chicks] like Dancing Queen. Girls love it, guys like to sing along to it when they think they’re alone.It’s even irono-chic. Really the perfect song.

2) Intergalactic, the Beatie Boys- There’s just something about a vocoder that makes people want to rock it.

3) Stuck in the Middle with You, the Steve Miller Band- Why? If it’s good enough for Michael Madsen to cut someone’s ear off to, it’s good enough for you to ground into a double play.

4) The Killing Moon, Echo and the Bunnymen- The perfect new-wave record. Repressed sexuality, evocative lyrics, sheer Barney-level awesomeness. Egads! How can I write a song like that? Really all music should give off tinges of homosexuality.

5) This Boy, Franz Ferdinand- Just listen to the chorus: This boy/so spectacular/not a boy/but a wealthy bachelor. If I’m a pro-Athlete, I want to reenforce the fact that I’m a) more attractive, b) more spectacular, and c) richer than the other men at the stadium. It’s all about showing off. Pretty good dance beat too.

Bonus: Love will tear us apart, Joy Division- Wouldn’t it be awesome to hear Joy Division during a late inning pressure situation? I agree.

And now I shall retire. Also, I want to drink more often.

One Response to “well, this ought to be incoherent”

  1. Annie Says:

    I would suggest “the boxer” by Carbon Leaf, but then again, I can’t think of a situation where Carbon Leaf ISN’T appropriate.

    Also: I drink significantly more as a yuppie than I ever did in college. I don’t know what this says about the working world, or about my level of lameness (lameitude?) in college.

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