Who Should Write Superman? Pt 8

March 11, 2007

Amidst the Salad‘s reverence for the Man of Steel, we’ve forgotten an embarrassing but existing style of Superman comic – the we’re fresh out of ideas comic. Superman has been around in various incarnations since Action Comics #1 in 1938, written by multiple authors, and let’s face it folks – they weren’t all winners. With this in mind I present our eighth potential superman author (sadly deceased), Shel Silverstein.shel_silverstein Of course, I choose Silverstein not because he’ll write the ridiculous plots fanboys love to hate, but because he’ll provide something wholly original.

Shel, beloved children’s poet and dirty cartoonist, could both write and draw his Superman, thereby sacrificing none of his original vision to the demons of collaboration.

With his sexual perversity, subtle or blatant, he could explore the Clark/Lois/Superman romance in a manner few have dared. I hate to claim ideas on behalf of the deceased, but perhaps Lois could suggest to Clark or Superman that she’d like a threesome with the other. Has the force of a super-ejaculation ever been explored?

On a non-sexual level, Silverstein’s interest in anatomy might explore how Superman cuts his super-hair or shaves his super-stubble (provided his incarnation didn’t blast energy from his eyes into a mirror reflected onto his shaving cream caked face, as we’ve seen before).

Lastly, given the magnitude of Superman’s power, there’s always been a careful balance between the Metropolis/world/Lois threatening situations that can motivate him to action and the lightness necessary to make a comic about a flying underwear model enjoyable. Silverstein’s ability to make a Big Deal out of the ordinary will allow us to see necessarily urgent plotlines on a smaller scale. Image Superman struggling with acne (a la young Peter Parker), boredom, or even poor cellular reception.

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6 Responses to “Who Should Write Superman? Pt 8”

  1. JT Says:

    How does the Salad plan on reanimated the dude?

  2. JT Says:

    reanimating.the.dude.?.

  3. dailysalad Says:

    Interesting question. I asked wikipedia, however they sent me to the Linkin Park album when I hit reanimation. Thankfully, they included this note: “For reanimation of the dead, see Undead.” While the undead page is totally unhelpful, it does remind me that Derrida used the myth of the undead to break down the binary between life and death. But something tells me Derrida was reaching on that one.

    My solution: since the Onion tells me that reanimation is at least a decade off, DC comics should hire a necromancer to channel his spirit, then funnel him as a dybbuk into someone else. It’s almost too easy.

  4. JT Says:

    The Necromancer Dr. Orpheus rents a room from Dr. T.S. Venture. He’s also in the Order of the Triad.

    The Derrida comment hit me in the gut like pizza dudes herald as great then ends up giving you disgusting diarrhea. Thanks for making me drive into Chicago from you-know-where, assholes!

    Anyways, Shel seemed like a fun guy. But the Giving Tree doesn’t hold a match to the Lorax. The Lorax–now there’s a dude who could rail Jhumpa Lahiri six ways to sunday. If the offer a three-way came up, Kal Penn would run away because his rod is dwarfed by the Lorax’s. Moral of the Story? The Lorax is hoss. Fuck, let the Lorax head up the new Superman project. xo. Lorax Fan #1.


  5. […] 12th, 2007 In light of JT’s point that having Shel Silverstein write Superman would require reanimation of the dead (and my own convoluted follow-up), I’ve decided that we at the Salad should probably abstain […]

  6. Kent Says:

    On the subject of super ejaculation, no less an authority than sci-fi legend Larry Niven has weighed on the subject with his essay, “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex” (http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html) which explores (among other subjects) how theoretically, Superman could eventually impregnate every woman on earth with a single session of self love.


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