Topless Girl-Transformers

March 14, 2007

If a convertible had its top down, and that convertible was also a Transformer, and if it transformed, would the robot be topless?

Is this why there aren’t any girl transformers? To avoid the risk of a serious blooper? Not to mention an R rating from the MPAA?

No. I take that back. To mention.

(Shia LeBouf is in The Transformers. That’s one mashed-potato of name.)

Dear Professor Redacted-

Thank you for sending me the chapters from your book. I’ll avoid reading them this weekend.

In the great tradition of Dash Hammerskjold “diets” (spending only 10 dollars a week and foraging for free food at various Columbia clubs; eating only tuna and vegetables; only cereal and vegetables; no carbs after 5; only foods with imperial themes, e.g. Red Baron Pizza, Bombay Sapphire, and India Pale Ale; and the great depression diet e.g. potatoes, potatoes, and grease sandwiches), eating meals in bar form is not so crazy. The new Kashi formula is surprisingly filling, if bizarrely hard to chew, and I’ve always enjoyed Cliff bars despite the after taste. Still, I wonder how long I can possibly keep it up. Experience (really erlebnis or chavaya, lived experience) tells me that the repetition principle does not apply to food–at least not food consumed every day. I also don’t know if these bars will give me enough strength to make it through my day. Unlike our titular powersauce bars, which gave Homer Simpson the necessary strength to make it up the Murderhord, Springfield’s tallest mountain, my Cliff bars seem to give me the strength to complain about grad school and nothing more. Besides, Homer ate $50 worth of PS bars a day, while my consumption is more along the lines of $3.50.

So this leads me to announce YS’ latest contest: the design Dash a diet contest. The goals of this diet are to provide Dash with a low calorie, yet nutritious base. After all, my main reason for dieting is to set aside calories for Bourbon–thus making my grad school problems disappear!

Among notwithabang…’s less prurient interests is a casual pursuit of philosophy, particularly logic, as it keeps him occupied whilst he waits for the third coming of the sacred Command and Conquer (more in an upcoming post).

Thumbing through one of my logic textbooks this evening, I came across the word “converse.” My immediate mental associations consisted of:

1. The opposite of something. Can be used as an adverb. E.g. I hated “300.” Conversely, my friend liked it so much that he threatened me in order to change my opinion.

2. Shoes.

As one might have guessed, my logic book had a technical definition for “converse” that only kind of jived with my own. Namely, the converse of a categorical statement (a statement that either affirms or denies the predicate of a subject) reverses the subject and predicate.

For example:

Some word-of-the-day columns (subject) are written by notwithabang… (predicate).

Some S are P.

Becomes:

Some of notwithabang…’s writings (subject) are word-of-the-day columns (predicate).

Some P are S.

That’s when things got weird.

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