If only Powersauce bars were real…

March 14, 2007

In the great tradition of Dash Hammerskjold “diets” (spending only 10 dollars a week and foraging for free food at various Columbia clubs; eating only tuna and vegetables; only cereal and vegetables; no carbs after 5; only foods with imperial themes, e.g. Red Baron Pizza, Bombay Sapphire, and India Pale Ale; and the great depression diet e.g. potatoes, potatoes, and grease sandwiches), eating meals in bar form is not so crazy. The new Kashi formula is surprisingly filling, if bizarrely hard to chew, and I’ve always enjoyed Cliff bars despite the after taste. Still, I wonder how long I can possibly keep it up. Experience (really erlebnis or chavaya, lived experience) tells me that the repetition principle does not apply to food–at least not food consumed every day. I also don’t know if these bars will give me enough strength to make it through my day. Unlike our titular powersauce bars, which gave Homer Simpson the necessary strength to make it up the Murderhord, Springfield’s tallest mountain, my Cliff bars seem to give me the strength to complain about grad school and nothing more. Besides, Homer ate $50 worth of PS bars a day, while my consumption is more along the lines of $3.50.

So this leads me to announce YS’ latest contest: the design Dash a diet contest. The goals of this diet are to provide Dash with a low calorie, yet nutritious base. After all, my main reason for dieting is to set aside calories for Bourbon–thus making my grad school problems disappear!

5 Responses to “If only Powersauce bars were real…”

  1. Annie Says:

    After reading a history of scurvy (which was actually fabulous) I am currently adding signifiant amounts of citrus to my diet, under the impression that I am likely to suffer and die from scurvy. Apparently it is a painful death.

  2. JT Says:

    bourbon? what’s your make of choice? xo. JT.

  3. dailysalad Says:

    Annie- In my civilian life, I have joined many groups whose sole purpose is the Advancement and Recognition of Scurvy. I think every one of us has a point in our lives when we worry we may come down with scurvy. I know that Stop Snichin’ at hb…&t! used to eat multiple limes a day to insulate himself from scurvy. You make a good point, and all my potential diets should include citrus fruit.

    JT- I usually drink Maker’s Mark, or Woodford Reserve. Alas, unlike “Fast” Eddie Felson, I do not live in a time when JTS Brown is available. From time to time I’ve been known to down some Old Grandad or Ezra Brooks, but that’s only because of a childhood friend who shared his name with the Bourbon magnate.

  4. Annie Says:

    You should make sure to include limes, as they are three times as anti-scorbutic as lemons. Other good fruits/vegetables include scurvy grass, hearts of palm, and the bark of some maple/elm trees.

  5. Jen Says:

    Perhaps you should take inspiration from your blog and eat salads, daily.

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