Who killed our readership? A YS whodunnit.
March 23, 2007
After a quick run as one of the growing-blog darlings of wordpress.com, Yesterday’s Salad is in a slump. Not too long ago, our numbers peaked at the dizzying height of [DH: redacted; it’s a number in the high-mid-hundreds] hits, and soon after, we plummeted down to the terrifying lows without so much as time to savor the creamy middles. Although we are slowly working our way out of this rut, we have yet to recapture the magic and Lindbergh-like, pioneer spirit that drew readers to our humble web-log in the first place. Some might answer that we haven’t been posting as regularly, and that I’ve used my postings to discuss logical obscurata instead of things that tend to show up in search engine terms, thus limiting our readership to a loyal cadre of friends and chartered accountants. While this explanation might satisfy Inspector Japp, I invite you to examine the situation with a more careful eye: in time, you will come to see that Yesterday’s Salad was set up.
Who would do such a thing? And why? What follows is a brief catalog of suspects and motives. No one is as innocent as they seem.
Suspect 1. Herman Furry Paws.
Some people just don’t know when to let go of things before they become tired and cliched. For instance, snitching, and stopping said snitching. While the folks at HBaT have said time and time again that they don’t just talk about snitching, and that some confusion may be caused by the fact that one of their contributors is actually named “stop snitching,” we know that they’re up to no good. After all, if someone sees everyone else as snitching…
Suspect 2. Gerard Butler, the guy who played King Leonidas in the movie 300.
Okay, so while the actor himself probably doesn’t harbor any particular ill will toward Yesterday’s Salad, as he was informed in the following manner:
Personal assistant: “Sir, there was a negative review of the movie from one of the blogs.”
GB/Leonidas: “I can’t hear you, I’m swimming in a pile of money the movie made and the coins make an awful racket.”
Personal assistant: “Some guy on the internet didn’t like your movie.”
GB/Leonidas: “Normally, I’d be crestfallen upon hearing such news. I miss the craft of acting, and the fact that one person didn’t like my movie means that I won’t be able to sleep at night until I truly achieve the perfection of my art. Look at me, I’m Scrooge MacDuck!” (jumps into money)
…thus we can only wonder if die-hard fans might be responsible for reprisals in the wake of my negative review of the film.
Suspect 3. JT
I long suspected that it might be an inside job ever since I watched “Inside Man.” Additionally, JT hasn’t been posting comments as of late, and when I went looking for ibiteyoureyes, I arrived just in time to fend off a mysterious assailant who was trying to strangle him with a pair of boyfriend trousers. The plot thickens, does it not, mon ami?
Suspect 4. The Down-Low Brother
This is probably the most credible crackpot theory featured in YS. Ever.
Suspect 5. An excessive reliance on lengthy posts, in-jokes, and meta-references that fail to draw new readers.
Nothing to see here, folks.