Daily Potatoes?

April 2, 2007


In honour of Passover, and Dash’s gig roasting potatoes, the daily salad is being (temporarily) replaced with daily potatoes. Ah potatoes, full of starchy goodness! Actually potatoes are extra wonderful on Passover, when Potato Vodka is Dash’s number 3 source of drunken merriment behind only Manischewitz and Slivovitz (but only in its 70% alcohol variety).

As Senior Notwithabang…’s already posted today, and I’m being called to help prepare Matzo Balls, I’ll leave you with only two tidbits (and, sigh, no theory). The first: how baseball announcers make poetry. In today’s Phillies-Braves, the announcer bespoke this little ditty: “Langerhans/ he too/ 0 for 2.” Poetry in action…

And lastly, your friend and mine William Safire, who, believe it or not, is not the inspiration for our WOTD columns, had this choice piece in his column yesterday on the collocation “sweet spot”:

“It is used as an alternative to “soft spot” in “I have a sweet spot in my heart for him/her/it”; it is also mistakenly used in lieu of G-spot, supposedly an erogenous zone.”

Supposedly an erogenous zone? Why does William Safire doubt the existence of the G-Spot? A leading question, I know. But more importantly, why has he turned his column into an anti-Women’s orgasm bully pulpit? And people say we’re misogynistic.

Having lived most of his life in the halls of academe, when Mr. Nothwithabang… has worked, it has mostly taken place outside of an office, whether it was bartending, leading group therapy sessions, or occassionally, wrestling a savannah tiger. Thus, forced into the confines of a meager, padded space near the water cooler, it has been somewhat daunting to stay entertained. What follows are a few suggestions for the pursuit of happiness and sanity for the hopelessly becubicled.

1. Attempt to make simple tasks into deeds of Herculean proportion. E.g. Fill a cup of coffee past the brim (surviving on surface tension alone) and attempt to walk it across the office without spilling. In response to the question, “couldn’t you just pour some out?” simply respond, “yes, but if I manage to do this, the bards will sing of my deeds for ages to come.”

2. Attempt a game of tic-tac-toe (or if you’re up on your algebraic notation, chess) via paper airplanes.

3. Hoard office supplies, refusing to give them out unless people request them in 5-7-5 format, answering “Mine mine mine, or I shall help you not.” (note: will not make you popular at the office)

4. Watch an informative video about sexual harrassment in the workplace.

5. Blog.

A little while ago, Mike Judge’s latest film, Idiocracy, was released to DVD after a short, extremely limited theatrical run accompanied by less than a squeak of publicity. Given the enduring popularity of Judge’s last live-action venture, Office Space (clips of which were recently used in a marketing campaign for World of Warcraft), and the near ubiquity of his early-90’s animated works, such as Beavis and Butt-Head, it would seem that stifling any new work of his would be a financial gaffe of epic proportions. Having watched Idiocracy last night, I can guarantee that it is a remarkably funny movie that would have surely made many millions of dollars. But I can also guarantee that if it had been put into full release, the ensuing P.R. nightmare would have been catastrophic.

Idiocracy manages to deliver incredibly vicious social satire through low-brow humor. In the film, Joe Bauers (Luke Wilson), an unusually average army recruit, is selected for a suspended-animation experiment in which he is to hibernate for one year. Thanks to a Futurama-like, but unusually ridiculous plot device (needless to say, it involves a conspiracy centered around a pimp named “Upgrayedd”), his pod is instead closed for a millennium. When he wakes, he finds society filled with troglodytes who speak only a jargon of ghetto-slang, valley-girl, and hillbilly, and comes to the grim realization that he is now the smartest man on the planet.

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