A Bite and A (Kiss!) for the United States Postal Service (USPS)

April 5, 2007

The United States Postal Service (USPS), in an effort to market their new Star Wars stamps, decided to turn their web site into a Star Wars Fanclub. Want a stamp? First, choose your allegiance: Rebel Alliance, or Galactic Empire.

The (donut) whole Star Wars stamp idea is stupid. Why?

Because Star Wars fans are the last people on Earth (or Tatooine, or Endor, or Asacol) who would use snail mail (and stamps.) These are people who spent their childhood watching Star Wars, their adolescence watching Star Wars and playing with computers, and their adult lives using their computers to talk about, play, and obsess over Star Wars. They blog, message, and email. They don’t snail mail! Or play with a shovel and pail! Go directly to jail. Monopoly fo Life.

(Not really. LeBouf for life!) <– Mashed potato name! Tastes like chicken!

Imagine a Star Wars letter:

Dear Other Geek,

I wish Darth Vader were real. Because if he were real, then The Force would be real too, and that means I could be a Jedi. I just know that I have mad midi-chlorine-ians. If I were a Jedi, I could get laid. But wait. That might send me over to THE DARK SIDE (so ominous!). Like it happened with Anakin/Vader. Anavader. Anal Invader! But at least I’d be able to score hot chicks like Carrie Fisher and Natalie Portman naked. When are we getting together to play Masters of Teras Kasi?

(I will never experience sexual) Love,

United States Postal Service of The Galaxy Far, Fart Away…Ibiteyogeekery.

On the other hand and under the same foot…

When I actually went to a branch of the USPS today, to mail my leftover lunchtime salad to notwithabang…butasloweasyslide, I was greeted by…

A US postal worker whose sole job seemed to be to walk the floor, answer questions, and direct customers to the right place. This was a complete shock to me. It made too much sense. Customer service of this sort makes me a very happy, go-lucky ibiteyoureyes.

Maybe this branch was so organized and efficient because it swore allegiance to the Galactic Empire. I don’t know. What I do know is, that although I do not remove my chompers from yo geekery, USPS, I also, in gratitude for the great and good customer service your gave to me today…


One Response to “A Bite and A (Kiss!) for the United States Postal Service (USPS)”

  1. AmidalaGeisha Says:

    Star Wars stamps???! My country, stupid thee! Egad…what next: WWF stamps (that’s “wrestling”, to those of you who’re Brits…and it’s only CALLED that, as we know it’s fake, unless one of the ‘Roid Boys flattens scrawny, yet honest reporters!)? I vote for either “History of Punk” or Hunter S. Thompson stamps (“the Gonzo series, in Memoriam”…that’d REALLY piss off Rove-Chen-Bush!).

    Your commentary on SW fans being the LAST to use snail mail was spot on! They don’t even use traditional e-mail anymore…it’s all Blackberries and VoIP, or who knows what?!

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