Ibiteyoureyes was commuting home from work yesterday, when to his shock he saw an idiot in the subway.

What was so idiotic about this fellow commuter?

  1. He had his baby strapped to his back. Backs is fo’ liftin, fo’ breakin’ and fo’ runnin out the clock when you have a lead late in the game. Backs are not fo’ carryin’ yo’ baby.Exception: short-term back carries (such as the piggyback) that occure solely to amuse your child. You know, for making the child happy. Instead of treating it like an Eastpak.
  2. In order to keep a closer, more constant eye on baby, Subway Idiot had a small rear view mirror hooked up to his glasses. I kid you the f*ck not.

Assorifice, if you are that worried about your kid, put him in a stroller. Or don’t take him on the subway. Or don’t raise him in New York.

Ibiteyoureyes. Then I strip you naked, butter your front, and send you sliding down a long subway ramp…so yo baby can surf on YOUR BACK to the next train. All the while checking his rear view mirror for signs of danger.

And danger there will be. Angry ibiteyoureyeseses are closer than they appear.