About thirty five pages into Al Gore’s The Assault on Reason, which ibiteyoureyes is enjoying so far, the former Veep offers up the following metaphor for illustrating the dangero-hypnotic powers of television:

When I was a boy growing up on our family farm in the summers, I learned how to hypnotize chickens. You hold the chicken down and then circle your finger around its head, making sure that its eyes trace your hand movement. After a sufficient number of circles, the chicken will become entranced and completely immobile. There’s a lot you can do with a hypnotized chicken. You can use it as a paperweight, or you can use it as a doorstop, and either way, the chicken will sit there motionless, staring blankly. (What you can’t do is use it as a football. Something about being thrown through the air seemed to wake that chicken right up.)

I tried this on my girlfriend’s cat, but it didn’t work. Maybe because she only has one eye (I did not bite it). Too bad becuase she’s fat and shaped like a football and if it worked I could have called up Gore.

“Not glued to the TV, Al! I’m hypnotizing any animal I can get my hands on, in search of that one species that does work as a football.”