Time Out New York Steals My Thunder

May 31, 2007

A special (midnight!) thank you to girlfriend of ibiteryoureyes for pointing out this injustice – Time Out New York’s latest magazine issue that calls for hipsters to die.

You know, TONY, I have two beefs with you.

  1. While falling short of stealing my idea, you stole my hipster hatin’ thunder (the sort of thunder that likes loose fit jeans!), and that upsets me because…
  2. You pulled a goddamn hipster-ish stunt in doing it. I scanned and skimmed and perused your articles, TONY (not Soprano). And I noticed something that seemed interesting – they’re all silly articles that seem to say even less than they weigh. You know, like a hipster’s clothing, a hipster’s tone of voice, a hipster’s art, a hipster’s sister (hipsta sista!). So, like, in calling attention to these silly willies, you, uh, kind of implicate yourself in their…silly willy ness. Silly, silly willy illy TONY.

Here’s the thing and there’s its shadow – by paying so much attention, and devoting an entire issue to these peoples, you are giving them exactly what they need and want. You know, attention, something that they didn’t get in high school. Especially not from your writers, who at the same spot on the ol’ maturation timeline, were too busy writing everyone’s yearbook profile, or writing an investigative in-depth feature article column about the girls’ soccer team.

That’s right. You were looking for cool, TONY, and you found it. Everyone at Yesterday’s Salad is cooler than you, cooler than all the hipsters, and every girls’ soccer team everywhere.

That’ll teach ya to steal muh thunda.

TONY? (Not Soprano!) …like a close-up picture of yo mama and yo papa bumpin the boogy…


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