Though we are often criticized for negligence in our salad duties, this has more to do with Dash’s conversion to locavism (locavity? locavorainity? locavoriousness? locavdom?) and the lack of suitable produce than it does to any pahnshahn for destruction, or proclivities towards other uber foods such as pizza, or gummy products. But with fall’s arrival comes carrots and rutabagas, and plenty of opportunities to more (obs. trans. To augment, to cause to increase, to exaggerate cf. German mehren/ Yiddish mern) love, joy, and lexical abilities.

Whilst enjoying a glass of port the other day, I began to think of the adjective “tawny,” a word I usually only encounter with regard to ports. In general, tawny is actually a description of colour (as it sort of is here) rather than a confirmation of the port’s abilities to more your merriment. Tawny refers to “a composite colour, consisting of brown with a preponderance of yellow or orange.” With regards to ports, a tawny port is actually “a port wine made from a blend of several vintages matured in wood.” Colorful adjectives are an interesting subject in their own right. Consider verdant (of a green hue). The most common use is for verdure, or greenery. One frequently reads of the verdant hills of Connecticut, but the term is seldom used in describing other green items, and the adverbial form “verdantly” is even less common (although I worry I’m treating this issue with verdancy, ” 2. fig. Innocence, inexperience; rawness, simplicity.”) I hope this has been gratuitous like nudity (1. provided without payment or return; costing nothing to the recipient; free.) and not gratuitous like 300 (Done, made, adopted, or assumed without any good ground or reason; not required or warranted by the circumstances of the case; uncalled-for; unjustifiable).

Lastly, I just want to offer a brief correction to a statement I made the other week that there were only three really good sitcoms airing on American TV. To my list (The Office, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother) I’d like to now add, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Flight of the Conchords, The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman, and in indie-cred defying embarrassment, Everybody Hates Chris. Unfortunately, the best American sitcom is not currently airing on American TV. The other day, the New York Times featured an article about Russian versions of American sitcoms. The article focused on the Russian version of Married….With Children but mentioned off-handedly that the Russian version of The Nanny was so popular that “some of the show’s original American writers were commissioned to create 25 more episodes.” 25 more episodes of The Nanny? Why aren’t these being shown to Americans? Don’t we deserve such hilarity? With harbingers of a second cold war arriving daily, I ask, why don’t Americans have the same right to know what happened to Fran, Mr. Sheffield, Niles, and CC as post-Soviet, North Pole flag planting Russians?

For shame, George W. Bush, for shame.