A friend of mine recently sent me a marketing email regarding this product, the myvu, a video eyewear device for connecting to your iPod, or portable video player of choice. With apologies to this friend…it’s eyebiting time.

I do not know if I have ever come across a product so worthy of a bite in the eyes – due in no small part to the fact that the creators of this myvu decided (with audacity!) to center the concept of the product itself around eyewear (the last line of defense against the eyebite). But biteyoureyes I will, myvu-ers.

1. Stupid mfing name. The latest in a recent string of stupid product or web site names that sound more like a Star Trek alien, or an inoculant, than something you can use. Not that anyone is going to use this thing (I hope.)

2. If my hope goes dry, and people do use these things, the myvu is going to cause some monumental Geordi LaForge confusion. Everyone is going to think they’re Geordi LaForge!

Myvu-er #1: Hello. My name is Geordi LaForge.

Myvu-er#2: You aren’t Geordi. I am Geordi!

Myvu-er#1: You ain’t nothin’ but a Kunta Kinte in space googles.

Myvu-er#2: Oh yeah?! Well…Reading Rainbow!

3. The creators of the myvu seem to think its a good idea to market this product as something that is safe to use while walking around the city. This will cause:

  • People to get hit by buses.
  • Podriatic glaucoma.
  • Hard-ons in the streets (naughty boys myvu-ing porn).

That’s as good a place to end as any. Hard-ons in the streets. Myvu-ers…(creators and users alike)? I break yo’ fancy Geordi LaForge glasses. And…

…ibiteyoureyes.

Whence Yesterday

October 10, 2007

With all the recent talk regarding the essence of Yesterday’s Salad (a topic especially interesting to new authors, cf. Haverstam’s epistle and the debut of the notorious eyebiter. This is contra Lord Notwithabang… who simply introduced himself here, and waited until his 6th post to begin his meta-analysis of the minor internet phenomenon that is Yesterday’s Salad; and contra the now shipwrecked L.P. Mandrake who merely dashed my hopes and dreams with his ur post), two developments have gone sorely underreported around these parts. And since YS can be taken as a synecdoche for the internet as a whole, it’s safe to say that the entire global media has been negligent in their duties of providing investigative reportage. But never fear, “blog/New Yorker-wannabe” YS is here to provide something resembling salvation. (And, for what it’s worth, it should be noted that some YS’ writers prefer to emulate The Atlantic Monthly, Southern Living and/or the now defunct Yiddish cultural journal Vokhnshrift far literature, kunst, un kultur.)

The first piece of news is the imprisonment of Super Agent Jack Bauer. While most commentators maintain that his jail term is a result of a DUI, outright speculation (cf. Derrida The Post Card) holds that something else is at cause. This is partly because commentators are being negligent in their duties, first and foremost, as writers “of historical ‘commentaries’, a chronicler; obs. rare” Today’s commentators comment without providing historical scrutiny. There must be a reason for the violation of the social contract, after all, a reason for Mr. Sutherland to enjoy the drink beyond the mere delicacies of Port. Again, one can speculate that Mr. Sutherland was driven to drink by the misfortunes that befell Happy Duck in the Happy Duck Adventure, but there is hardly even a trace of this possibility. More likely Mr. Sutherland’s arrest has to do with the imprisonment of his brother and his need to break him out of jail before they execute him. We await more information.

The second, much more important bit of news is the opening of the Beijing Subway system‘s Line 5. Treehugger has a terrific feature about the new subway, which they call the world’s newest and cheapest. The moniker is a little misleading as it is only cheapest with regards to ticket fare (a scant 27 cents), and not with regards to construction cost. Here is one of the many beautiful pictures of the new system:

aplatform2.jpg

The line is part of Beijing’s plan to field the world’s largest Metro system in the world by the middle of this century (something tells me that Cincinnati will not be much of a threat to the Chinese). Hopefully the US government will decide the need to keep the world’s largest subway system in the states and will enter into some kind of transit space race. Also of interest to Salad readers is the fact that subway can be used as a verb, meaning “to travel by subway or underground railway.” The mysteries of language.