Pro Transico

October 22, 2007

With a new rhetorician on board, one would expect that Dash’s-nay, all of our argumentive (obs. argumentative) abilities would increase, that all the saladeers would embrace the new order of panegyrics and symbolic language, that all saladeers would rise to the level of our classically trained brother and enter into a new bond with the readers, self-adjuring (to bind under the penalty of a curse. Obs.) to a higher level of discourse. Sadly, this will not be the case. Dash will continue to hoot ( intr. To behave in a loutish or irresponsible way; spec. to drive fast or recklessly–specifically irresponsible for Dash as he has no Driver’s License) and wade into the waters of discourse beyond his depth and breadth.

But even in subjects where Dash has a passing familiarity (c’est a dire, decolonialization, scholarly editing, post-colonial feminist thought, and basket weaving) the limits of knowledge are sometimes strained. For example, Dash cannot account for the continued intellectual cock-blocking of Communist regimes (lehavdil). Everyone knows about Pyongyang’s secret metro system, but pictures and videos are hard to come by. And while it was announced that Beijing will concurrently build 6 new metro lines for completion by 2012, no other information is really known about the expansion. Will the lines continue to be the cheapest in the world, for example? Or, much more importantly, where will they run? Will the right of way be exclusive, or will it be shared?

With space at a premium the world around, perhaps China should consider placing their new railways in the middle of a market, like the good folks in Bangkok.

Personally, I’d like to see such innovative right-of-way sharing practiced in the U.S. Maybe Houston, which just pulled the transit upset of the century and announced plans to build five new light rail lines by 2012 instead of unlikely-t0-be-efficient-BRT, could experiment with such a right-of-way arrangement. Or better yet, perhaps Mr. Drew Carey can convince his private enterprise friends to finance such a scheme, helping private enterprise get customers directly to the markets and the world.

Let’s face it, eating and drinking just to stay alive is boring. I will come with you on that. I enjoy a nice dinner, or a nice breakfast, more than anyone – enjoying food is part of enjoying life, and part of everyone’s culture (even the Klingons!), and I honestly don’t mind novelty creeping in on cuisine…if it works.

But, alas and as always, someone has taken something…too far.

Introducing…Kellog’s Cereal Straws, which have, thankfully, finally, arrived from the abstraction that is our big, bright future…to help us learn “how to make milk more fun.”

IMPORTANT NOTE: Not even Ibiteyoureyes is strong enough to combat the catchy Cereal Straw tune that you will be blessed to hear if you follow the above link (altogether now…dip, sip, munch!). And the song plays out of a boom box made of cereal. Holy cow! <–makes holy milk for…drinking with your cereal.

There’s no telling what sort of cultural upheaval this invention is going to cause. Probably, we’re facing the very real possibility of Total Breakfast Insideoutedness.

Next up after drinking your milk with your cereal: drinking syrup out of rolled up pancakes, snorting powdered sugar (or cocaine) through a rolled up waffle, munching on egg shells after you’ve thrown out the yoke and whites.

Kellog’s? I bite your “milk-sippin fun.”

…dip, sip, munch.