The Salad has yet to follow its postmodern murmurings to their logical conclusions. As a post-postmodernist, I follow in the footsteps of a neo-pre-modernist. I speak, of course, of Leo Strauss. With the Ciceronian joining the ranks I know I have an ally in calling for a retrieval of the classics and a firm taking hold of Athens as a point of orientation. At the very least I know I will hear two cheers from the Salad crew for highlighting a U of C stalwart.

Often considered the shadowy patriarch of an arch-conservative cabal, Strauss was thought to be hierarchical, elitist, and anti-Liberal. Since when is privileging the philosopher-class a crime? His desire to question everything lead him to question natural rights. We hold these truths to be self-evident? What are you, meshugeh?

But even more intriguing than Strauss himself are his students and their various intellectual progeny. Who doesn’t enjoy watching Alan Keyes? No hands? I didn’t think so. I mean, how can you not love a guy who makes use of Plato to prove his point in a televised political debate because he is appealing to the common sense of Illinois voters? Once again Chicago, that somber city, and the great state of Illinois prove to be fertile ground for great ideas and great pizza.

Straussians like Keyes use Plato to argue against gay marriage and (correctly!) claim to know how Jesus would have voted. How, you ask? How can one man stand so firm in his very true convictions in the face of secular, humanist, god-hating pseudo-Christians like Barack Obama? It’s simple. Behind every great man stands a great teacher – a great, gay, atheist, Jewish teacher .

Welcome to the second installment of Yesterday’s Salad’s new signature series, Craigslist All-Stars! This week we will be discussing Craiglist mainstays: “Whining Beyatches That Want Life Handed to Them.”

To read the first installment, “Pretty Girls With Pretty Feet,” please click here.

Though the following recap and analysis will be based primarily on Whining Beyatch Writers – since ibiteyoureyes, in his daily exploits, encounters these sexy-sunny characters more often than the similarly-minded Whining Beyatches of Other Occupational Persuasions – most of what will be covered can be applied to any old Whining Beyatch that you, dear reader, might encounter and pass on your way to success.

You’ve seen them before. If you haven’t, wander through Craigslist for awhile. You’ll find them. They are the people who, in the face of solicitations for free work, or work for credit, or work for deferred payment, cannot fight the urge to create a “Response Listing” (RE: Title of original ad), in which they:

  1. Complain about people who want them to write or work for free, for credit, or for deferred payment,
  2. Warn other writers, who otherwise would probably succumb to temptation in such a case, not to write for free, for credit, or for deferred payment.
  3. Call the writers of the advertisement names, and/or snipe them with sarcasm, snark, or direct insults.
  4. Within the context of items 1-3 on this list…whine like a beyatch.

Now, before we really get going on these winners, let me bite their eyes with a few questions: Read the rest of this entry »

Her morning had really been drab

So she gave “smart” coffee a stab

More caffeine had she

Than normal Java times three

Then out-ran her bus and leapt over a cab.