Craigslist All-Stars: Whining Beyatches That Want Life Handed to Them

October 25, 2007

Welcome to the second installment of Yesterday’s Salad’s new signature series, Craigslist All-Stars! This week we will be discussing Craiglist mainstays: “Whining Beyatches That Want Life Handed to Them.”

To read the first installment, “Pretty Girls With Pretty Feet,” please click here.

Though the following recap and analysis will be based primarily on Whining Beyatch Writers – since ibiteyoureyes, in his daily exploits, encounters these sexy-sunny characters more often than the similarly-minded Whining Beyatches of Other Occupational Persuasions – most of what will be covered can be applied to any old Whining Beyatch that you, dear reader, might encounter and pass on your way to success.

You’ve seen them before. If you haven’t, wander through Craigslist for awhile. You’ll find them. They are the people who, in the face of solicitations for free work, or work for credit, or work for deferred payment, cannot fight the urge to create a “Response Listing” (RE: Title of original ad), in which they:

  1. Complain about people who want them to write or work for free, for credit, or for deferred payment,
  2. Warn other writers, who otherwise would probably succumb to temptation in such a case, not to write for free, for credit, or for deferred payment.
  3. Call the writers of the advertisement names, and/or snipe them with sarcasm, snark, or direct insults.
  4. Within the context of items 1-3 on this list…whine like a beyatch.

Now, before we really get going on these winners, let me bite their eyes with a few questions:

  1. Do you think that anyone really wants to hear you complain: a) assuming they are not also a Whining Beyatch (and thus ready and willing to share your monumental pain and join you in your quest against injustice) or, b) except for their own “look-how-silly-this-momo-is” enjoyment (present case included)?
  2. Do you think that your reply ads are helping anyone? Subquestion: Is it really worth its weight in your (apparently very valuable) time to save (the professional!) life of someone who would be stupid or naive enough to work for free, for credit, or for deferred payment, without either a written promise of shared revenue or some other very good reason for doing so?
  3. Do you actually believe, or have you convinced yourself into believing, that even ten percent of these “unfair” projects are ever going to see the crack of dawn – never mind the light of day?

If you’re still reading this, chances are you can’t answer those questions, because you’re not a Whining Beyatch. If you are a Whining Beyatch, you’re probably only reading this after you already jumped to the end of the post, where you tried to snipe me with a comment, before ending up right back here – in the hopes of finding something (anything! a typo! a grammatical error!) to hit me back with, to save face, which is impossible, because I am right and you are a Whining Beyatch. Take solace in this, my unfortunate not-friend, at least you’ve earned your own capitalization and italicization on Yesterday’s Salad.

Now, for any Whining Beyatches that are left…take off your glasses, if you’re wearing any…and watch (me)biteyoureyes. To quote a great film (by a man whose overall career, in terms of where it falls on the ol’ good/great Pritchard Scale, is a point of contention between ibiteyoureyes and Chief Daily Salad): “…you may feel a slight sting. That’s pride f*cking with you. F*ck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps.” So swallow yo’ pride and read on. If you’re here only for amusement (if you are not a Whining Beyatch) feel free to follow along as well. You’d be doing the world a great service by relaying what is about to come to the people who need to hear it.

How To Deal With the Financial Difficulties of Being A Writer
(Provided You Are Not Independently Wealthy, or Supported by Someone Else)

  1. Come to terms with the fact that, despite what you think you deserve (no matter how right or wrong you may be about this topic) that no one is going to give anything to you unless you work and fight for it. NOTE: This may include pulling strings and kissing asses (but hopefully not pulling strings from kissed asses – don’t take it that far). If you aren’t tough enough to do this, get tough enough to do it. If you can’t get tough enough – devote as much time as possible to making your writing good enough to compensate for this inability. And get help from someone who is tough enough. There’s nothing wrong with being good at writing but bad at business. There is something wrong with bitching about the “injustices” of your circumstances. Agents, staffing agencies, and web sites are all here to make your plight easier to deal with.
  2. Stop being a brat, Whining Beyatch. Take some responsibility for yourself. Spend less time whining and more time bettering your position. Examples include: doing something that you don’t really want to do, for money, so that you can write, and robbery.
  3. Don’t reply, in answer to what I just wrote, that it’s “not that easy.” Because, actually, it is that easy. Treat yourself like a dog, because, as far as society is concerned – you are a dog. You are for kicking around when you stink, and for doing tricks and winning awards when you’re looking all shiny and pretty. It’s about admonishments and rewards. Admonish yourself for bad behavior (whining) reward yourself for good behavior (I just waited tables for three days to pay the rent, now I am going to sit down and work on my writing career, to make it worthwhile – and then I’m going to do it again and again until it pays off).
  4. Convert to Catholicism.

If that last suggestion seems extreme, or if it would get in the way or some other faith-based system that you proscribe to, you can downgrade this step to “deny yourself.” It’s just that Catholicism has worked so well for me, in this regard, that I’ve come to think of it as quite an asset – whereas it used to be a great liability.

The point behind this last…point…is the same…point…that I’ve been harping about this whole time: if you want it, go git it!

If getting the pay rate that you deserve is that important to you, one of the most effective things that you can do is deny yourself anything that, beyond the purpose of necessity, has an added purpose of making you feel better about the fact that you don’t have what it is that you actually want. This could be anything from alcohol to drugs to food to love to television to a comfortable couch. Regardless of your goals, this works. Do you have to do it all the time? Absolutely not. Do you have to do it most of the time? If you want to catch a break anytime soon – yes. Denying yourself will allow you to save money and retain time all at once. There are huge advantages to this, not the least of which is that, on those occasions when you do allow yourself some “distraction,” you will most likely feel better about yourself. To the surprise of your friends (and to Craigslist browsers the world over) this will also result in less whining.

Whining Beyatches, be forewarned, if you take my advice, it might work. Please also keep in mind that denying yourself, whining less, being less of a brat, working hard, and dealing with reality may cause you to become less than American.

If you don’t want my advice? Fine.

Just come a little closer…

…ibiteyoureyes!

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One Response to “Craigslist All-Stars: Whining Beyatches That Want Life Handed to Them”


  1. […] read the next installment of Craigslist All-Stars, click here. Posted by ibiteyoureyes Filed in “Real” Friends, Books, ibiteyoureyes Tags: business, […]


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