Bill Belichick Sucks

November 19, 2007

As a yeke I am not known for having a temper.   I have been called aloof, distant, cold, and accept these as fair assessments of my character.  However, I was brought to a state this evening that bordered on the perturbed as I, Haverstam, felt myself getting flustered.  On two separate occasions the New England Patriots decided to “go for it” (in the parlance of our times) on 4th down despite being up by 25 or more points.  Bill Belichick has incurred the disdain of an old German-speaking Professor.

With a penchant for obsessively watching film and for harping on players’ negative performances, Mr. Belichick is an awful stereotype come to life – a child brings home a 98 on an exam and he inquires as to the whereabouts of the two points.

For shame, Mr. Belichick:

1)  After a viewing of his daughter’s wedding video Mr. Belichick holds a family meeting in order to inform his wife how she might have been a better hostess, belittles his daughter’s taste in wedding dress and men, and rebukes the caterer for not even knowing how to properly wrap a pig in a blanket.

2 ) After viewing “Citizen Kane” Mr. Belichick reportedly called Orson Welles and his cinematographer Gregg Toland and, taking them through shot by shot, tore the film apart.

3) After viewing and reviewing video of his wife’s ultrasound, Mr. Belichick screamed at his unborn child, accusing the embryo of lacking hustle, focus, and dedication.

Put a suit on you hobo-looking jerk.  Mike Nolan should get to punch you in the face whenever he wants.

Haverstam, out.

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5 Responses to “Bill Belichick Sucks”

  1. dailysalad Says:

    As for the veracity of point two, see:

    http://www.wellesnet.com/?p=9

    It has long been rumoured [citation needed] that Belichick writes film criticism under various aliases, much like Thomas Pynchon is J.D. Salinger:

    http://www.millikin.edu/aci/crow/chronology/pynchonbio.html

  2. mmmgrada Says:

    For the next several days… Bill Belichick is featured here http://www.bigdouchebag.com/
    I think you’ll like it.


  3. If anyone has dousche-y pictures, maybe of Bill Belichick, or just dousches in general, call them out! submit dousche pics here
    http://www.submitadousche.com

    or just click to see the biggest dousches ever.

  4. samm Says:

    BeliCheat sucks. Overrated loser/poseur can’t win when it counts on even playing field against fatass talker FootSex Ryan. God, what a homo…

  5. George Chapkin Says:

    I never saw such a sore loser as Belichick. Him and his cocky quarterback belong in the Hall of Shame. Face it, when was the “tuck” rule ever called before or since that playoff game years ago with the raiders? They deserve every loss they get


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