Can’t Get There From Here

March 1, 2008

A professor once told me that much academic work can be summed up in the sentence: it was a time of cultural change, and values were in flux; an old bourgeoisie was falling and a new bourgeoisie was rising. As truisms go, this one is pretty true, but that doesn’t mean that the statement never actually describes real-life or narrative. Just to use a recent example, Arcangel’s Super Mario Movie is structured on this falling bourgeoisie paradigm, with Mario struggling to come to grips with a world where 1UPs have lost all meaning. Of course, this need not be the case. Recently, the website lateshowwritersonstrike, having seemingly lost its raison-de-etre after the strike settlement, managed to find a new rallying cause:

After much discussion, we think we’ve got the the new theme that will carry us through the rest of 2008 and beyond. Very soon, look for our focus to shift completely to the massive beef recall. We believe our fans will enjoy our satiric takes on the USDA’s largest-ever recall of 143 million pounds of possibly tainted beef. We’re confident that we’ll still get plenty of plugs from Nikki Finke and other top news and entertainment outlets as we spoof the deliberations of Agriculture Secretary Ed Schafer and his staff, post fake press releases from Steve Mendell, president of Hallmark Meat Packing and its distributor, Westland, present the lighter side of regulations pertaining to downer cattle entering the food chain, and much, much more.

Another organization struggling to rediscover its place in the world, NASA, deciding to turn its direction towards its glorious past in order to rebuild its image. With space exploration still reeling from the disclosure of the Military space shuttle, and the resignation of prominent White House staff, NASA has decided that the best thing to do is to go back to faking Moon Landings. But with the death of uncredited director/co-conspirator Stanley Kubrick, NASA has had to resort to Michael Bay-esque CGI. See here for “promotional videos” of the upcoming Moon Landing.

Thankfully, we also have real transit news to report. While we love all modes of transport, (vote for the Ann Arbor Rapid Streetcar system!) no form of transport gets as much love around here as the monorail, both Theodore Herzl and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s preferred way of beating traffic. We’re happy to report that after an ignoble start the Moscow Monorail will be expanded. Since bringing the fair in line with the Metro, the system’s ridership has grown tremendously. Plus, the system has proved adapt at handling the snow. Just compare this picture of the sleek Intamin monorail system naysaying snow

cnstmm07.jpg

with this photo of a landlocked El train:

2008_02_29_flashback.jpg

Time and space should not be considered relevant factors in your comparison.

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2 Responses to “Can’t Get There From Here”

  1. theciceronian Says:

    Dear Sir,

    While I plan to restart my rhetorical career with aetiology sometime in the near future, I was wondering if you could perhaps, if time permits, render posts which are not phallogocentric, if that is at all possible.

  2. Not with a bang Says:

    Ciceronian, I told you not to spend so much time with that Irigaray lady…


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