A Modest Proposal

February 3, 2010

America, its been good. You’ve had a good run. You’ve spread some democracy, ended some world wars, and invented consumerism. But I think that it is time to throw in the towel. Yes, I realize we are still at the height of our power; the 90 and early 00s will probably be thought of as the zenith of American power; an untrammeled moment of imperial might, unprecedented power, and utter stupidity. But this is precisely reason to bow out now. For already the music is playing. Do we really want to do the whole decline and fall thing?

Is it really worth it to go on like the Western Roman Empire, only to be battered down by heaping crowds of Goths (probably, in our case rising sea levels, ridic desertification, and loads of cheap, shoddy Chinese products)? Or will we go on in the way of the Eastern Romans, sadly transforming into sad parodies of ourselves, our institutions keeping their names, but becoming little more than keywords we hold for nostalgic value? Do we really want our princeps to become a βασιλευς? I think not.

I think that its time to give up on this whole Union idea. The Federal Government is corrupt, bloated, and riddled with partisan divisions, for the stakes are far too high. Our political class (and intellectual class) are either morally bankrupt or dithering idiots, presiding over a socially stratified system, with the highest Gini coefficent in the 20th century. America faces broad unsolvable problems on fronts too numerous to mention, and our solution is the TEA PARTY! Talk about a bankrupt tool of the elites.

Does Barack Obama want to bring real change? Let him preside over the fall of the US. Let us dissolve. Tired of Washington corruption, let us leave Washington behind! Turn everything over to the states. Fifty different types of state government can operate however they would like, because they would actually, for once, in an entirely strange and odd way, be accountable to their constituents. Compare what is going to happen to Hiram M as opposed to the average US senator scandal. Nebraska doesnt want cap and trade or health care, fuck ’em, they can have shitty health care and global warming. And we coastal elites can reap the benefits of forward thinking liberal policies. Socialism! Redistribution of wealth! Health Care! Green Jobs! Sugar Tax! Hell, lobbyists would be so damn confused, they wouldnt know who to bribe.

Of course some moderate level of federal government would have to persist to referee disputes and provide a general governing framework. I envision something along the lines of the United Nations or the European Union. Dissolution of the federal government and its replacement with local, face-to-face, actually democratic politics can salvage a broken, corrupt political system. As Dan Bern sings, “The day that Elvis died was like a mercy killing/America breathed a sigh of relief/” Breath free once again. The moment of federal government must pass. Make way for the future, get out while you are ahead, Americans.

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2 Responses to “A Modest Proposal”


  1. Eastern Rome. Institutions as parodies of themselves. Without a doubt.

  2. theciceronian Says:

    arent we there already?


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