A Modest Proposal

February 3, 2010

America, its been good. You’ve had a good run. You’ve spread some democracy, ended some world wars, and invented consumerism. But I think that it is time to throw in the towel. Yes, I realize we are still at the height of our power; the 90 and early 00s will probably be thought of as the zenith of American power; an untrammeled moment of imperial might, unprecedented power, and utter stupidity. But this is precisely reason to bow out now. For already the music is playing. Do we really want to do the whole decline and fall thing?

Is it really worth it to go on like the Western Roman Empire, only to be battered down by heaping crowds of Goths (probably, in our case rising sea levels, ridic desertification, and loads of cheap, shoddy Chinese products)? Or will we go on in the way of the Eastern Romans, sadly transforming into sad parodies of ourselves, our institutions keeping their names, but becoming little more than keywords we hold for nostalgic value? Do we really want our princeps to become a βασιλευς? I think not. Read the rest of this entry »

Is this the year for an all-Chicago slate?


January 6, 2008

After a few years of hard work and perseverance, a good friend has finally taken the next step on a wonderful and rewarding journey.  Some might say that we saw this coming a long ways away. And others might tell a little-known story about how this humble author had a bet with said friend about the whole thing, a silly bet, really.

This bet was about an excellent movie, BASE-ketball, and whether it would be on cable on a given night.  Well, as a wager, this author encouraged his friend to go through and follow his dreams, and if said movie was on (it was! what were the chances of that?), this author would do everything he could to support his friend’s pursuit of said dream (of course, it was kind of a win-win wager to begin with).  So, a few years in the making, it’s finally happened.

So, congratulations to you, Barack Obama! for winning the Iowa primary, and the hearts of the voting public. Shine on, you crazy diamond!

2008 Watch: The Return?

October 28, 2007

Mr. TWhere have I been? Astute readers will note I was last seen here challenging the internuts to duels. It’s not everyday that I get the chance to brandish my cherished flintlocks, so naturally I entered into honorable combat with a certain gusto. What I had not counted on was that the LAPD would choose to uphold the law–also with a certain gusto (and with significantly more modern weaponry). I was detained by the authorities, but I promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, I survive as a blogger of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find me… no wait, that doesn’t sound right.

Regardless, I was on the run from the law and had to maintain radio silence at all times. My benefactor and semi-professional linguist Dash Hammarskjold recently managed to track me down. In exchange for my eternal servitude, he agreed to smuggle me out of California and into a third world country with poor extradition laws. That’s right: Dash (or Herr Hammarskjold as he insists on being called) sent me to Iowa to resume my duties as lead political correspondent for YSMedia and our sister blogs worldwide.

The fact is that whoever wins Iowa will probably be the next president. All of the campaigns have invested so many resources here that to lose will be a huge sign of weakness. Needless to say, there is a lot riding on these January caucuses, especially if you are under the (mistaken) impression that the president actually runs our government. So, here now, is what’s really going on in Iowa which the news media may is ignoring. To be honest, I have no idea what they’re reporting. Per company edict, Dash had forbidden the viewing of any TV network not owned by GlobalSlaladTech Inc. As you may have noticed, however, our TV division pretty much sucks. There, I said it. Actual content after the break.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Salad has yet to follow its postmodern murmurings to their logical conclusions. As a post-postmodernist, I follow in the footsteps of a neo-pre-modernist. I speak, of course, of Leo Strauss. With the Ciceronian joining the ranks I know I have an ally in calling for a retrieval of the classics and a firm taking hold of Athens as a point of orientation. At the very least I know I will hear two cheers from the Salad crew for highlighting a U of C stalwart.

Often considered the shadowy patriarch of an arch-conservative cabal, Strauss was thought to be hierarchical, elitist, and anti-Liberal. Since when is privileging the philosopher-class a crime? His desire to question everything lead him to question natural rights. We hold these truths to be self-evident? What are you, meshugeh?

But even more intriguing than Strauss himself are his students and their various intellectual progeny. Who doesn’t enjoy watching Alan Keyes? No hands? I didn’t think so. I mean, how can you not love a guy who makes use of Plato to prove his point in a televised political debate because he is appealing to the common sense of Illinois voters? Once again Chicago, that somber city, and the great state of Illinois prove to be fertile ground for great ideas and great pizza.

Straussians like Keyes use Plato to argue against gay marriage and (correctly!) claim to know how Jesus would have voted. How, you ask? How can one man stand so firm in his very true convictions in the face of secular, humanist, god-hating pseudo-Christians like Barack Obama? It’s simple. Behind every great man stands a great teacher – a great, gay, atheist, Jewish teacher .

Pro Mandrakine

October 18, 2007

In the Ciceronian tradition, of Speaking of things, which are not in fact patently true and are not of the sort that the speaker’s audience would indeed find enjoyable , nor in fact relevant, I will begin. Having grown up in the lesser schools of mind and the rhetoric, I dare not make any sort of introduction for myself, lest I bring discredit to myself and to this publication, by mentioning such sordid names, however, I must begin with a salutation to the celebrated L. P. Mandrake, to whom I find that I admire as much as Cato the Elder admired Cato the Younger. In the company of such eloquence, what can one do? Prose fails, poetry is found wanting, the panegyric withers, the epillion is as dust, even the structured epistle is of no use. I am indeed indebted to such a Nameless personality, who even went so far as to express private reflections here upon this medium, in the form of a letter, meshing the boundaries of the private and the personal in a very classical mode, yet in so much as he did so, I can detect the slightest hint of an artless editor, a veritable stam who has rearranged the epistle of a master to fit his own dire and surely not quite nefarious purposes. Perhaps he passes this off with claims to be merely writing an introduction or indeed some sort of commentary. Is this blog home of such dim witted readers, of the sort who have some need for introduction to the works of Mr. Mandrake? Has it indeed come to this point, that so great a man as he does not deserve a post all too himself? In the great antiquity of YS, such was not the case. We are less hardy, less virile readers, the sort who need to be spoonfed some etymology, so that we may read Mr. Mandrake. Truly it is a shameful day and the bloody sky looks down on a twisted, turpiditudinous race. I ask, Would one deface Homer in such a manner? Hemingway? The Jersualem Talmud? Truly what is lacking here is justice, justice for which brave men die and not cowardly men fight. Indeed, in my first frail steps into those arts which I here but poorly sputter out, I know that perhaps, with my noble mind, exercised in virtue and adjudicated manner of decision, with which I grew to manhood, escaping the vices so common to youth, and which now are demanding that I speak here in respect to one true and noble Affair, namely that if Daily Salad had published a post with which he took liberties, it would be to his advantage now to republish it in a more complimentary manner. For the state cannot sustain such injustices, I fear what is worst and ever more darkly will the fates spin their webs, if such iniquity is not righted.