From time to time I like to enjoy alcoholic beverages. Hopefully someone else will post something soon; I’d hate for this to be the only thing on the Salad tonight, the only source of illumination on an otherwise dreary New England eve. My ramblings will hopefully not lead you too far astray [word note: as far as I can tell, astray has nothing to do with the ’80s band The Stray Cats.]

I’m reminded of the great poem, “Reflections on Ice-Breaking.” I learned it as a child from Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder version), but nonetheless it belongs to Ogden Nash:

Candy/Is Dandy/But Liquor/Is Quicker

Tonight, I’m afraid, I’d break quick. Nights of “soft” drinking really catch up to you. I didn’t feel like I was drinking much, but then it had been hours, and, while I’m not drunk, I’m not exactly right as rain either.

This post is going nowhere. So here, a link. Feel free to go. Or do not go. Go go go. Og og og. Now I sound like Ibiteyoureyes. Your eyes? My eyes!

The link is about choosing new at-bat music for David Wright, the New York Metropolitans’ 3rd Basement/second-half fader extraordinaire. He apparently has decided to replace “Brass Monkey” (that funky monkey) as his warm-up music with a hitherto-be determined tune. This is actually a favorite discussion topic of mine, so here is my list of the 5 best songs to come out to. (Ack! I’ve ended with a preposition!)

1) Dancing Queen, Abba- Nothing says secure enough in your sexuality to get all the [chicks/male version of chicks] like Dancing Queen. Girls love it, guys like to sing along to it when they think they’re alone.It’s even irono-chic. Really the perfect song.

2) Intergalactic, the Beatie Boys- There’s just something about a vocoder that makes people want to rock it.

3) Stuck in the Middle with You, the Steve Miller Band- Why? If it’s good enough for Michael Madsen to cut someone’s ear off to, it’s good enough for you to ground into a double play.

4) The Killing Moon, Echo and the Bunnymen- The perfect new-wave record. Repressed sexuality, evocative lyrics, sheer Barney-level awesomeness. Egads! How can I write a song like that? Really all music should give off tinges of homosexuality.

5) This Boy, Franz Ferdinand- Just listen to the chorus: This boy/so spectacular/not a boy/but a wealthy bachelor. If I’m a pro-Athlete, I want to reenforce the fact that I’m a) more attractive, b) more spectacular, and c) richer than the other men at the stadium. It’s all about showing off. Pretty good dance beat too.

Bonus: Love will tear us apart, Joy Division- Wouldn’t it be awesome to hear Joy Division during a late inning pressure situation? I agree.

And now I shall retire. Also, I want to drink more often.

And that Yesterday’s Salad should really be weekly, or bi-weekly salad. But as none of my loyal readers have ever submitted photographs of their salads, I really can’t blame myself for this. All of you are terrible people.

A couple of thoughts to get the ball rollin’ (like how we play it on the south side, eliminating the R and such)

1) I really need to thank NBC for re-airing the Tonight Show at 2:30am CDT (live for Hawaii, perhaps?). Even while drunk and imbibing copious amounts of water in order to not be hungover in the morning, Leno is intolerably bad, especially when compared to the episode of the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn that I watched earlier. Yes, I have archives of the Kilborn show, what of it? You would too if you were both awesome now and a loser in 9th grade. So take that. Besides, one day CBS will have to syndicate those episodes from me!

2) Who is the 2 am news intended for? After getting disgusted with Leno, I threw on the CBS 2 am news. Is this live? Are there people who normally watch the news–no, make that depend on the news–at this hour? At 2 am I need to see C and D cup breasts on my television, not Mark Malone telling me that the Bears held a practice. All TV shows should be replaced by the spanish equivalent. Then forced to be in English because this is America.

3) Stella is way funnier than Trailer Park Boys

4) While the Cove may have cheaper pitchers, nothing beats Jimmy’s Woodlawn Tap for the chaos that is last call. To be correct there was none. They just kind of kicked us out at 1:38 and offered to sell us six packs for the road. Actually not a bad deal because….

5) Kimbark liquors closes at 11. After milling about the store for what seemed like 3 hours, and threatening to buy only a ton of wine coolers, Alec, Eric and I finally made a purchase. Alec gave me 11 dollars, which I added to my own 11 dollars to not promptly buy some kahlua drink, wine coolers, and champagne. I was embarrassed while buying my alcohol. I told the cashier, “This is the worst 22 dollars ever spent on alcohol.” then he said, “it’s 22 dollars.” Truer words have never been said.

The real lesson for the night: not enough wine coolers.

Memories from King Cole

June 20, 2006

Two pictures from the King Cole fete.

me-drinks.jpg

Dash looking Dastardly

hypizza.jpg

Hy, shortly after trading his fortune for a chance to work at Koronet

King Cole Bar

June 18, 2006

I can't believe I neglected to post on this. Before leaving New York, Robby corralled a large group of 20 something ruffians to hit up the old world King Cole Bar at the St. Regis Hotel. The bar is absolutely beautiful; exactly what you want from a midtown Hotel bar. The drinks were kind of hit or miss, but that's to be expected when your specialty drinks are designed for the tastes of the 1920's. 

Anyway, the real highlight of the night was the exploits of two 40-50 year old women who showed up looking for love. Neither was especially good looking, but both had the wonderful air of whore about them. I thought they were just there spending ex-husband's money, but it turned out they were in for more. At some point, a late 20's/early 30's male joined them and drank from their bottle of Crys. This continued for a time, before one of them started giving him a hand job. No joke. Eventually the two women left by themselves, leaving me incredibly confused as to what happened. 

A truly world class bar.