There aren’t many things in this world that I’d rather bite than eyes, but Oreo cookies (dipped in milk) is one of them. But I guess I’m going to have to rethink this whole Oreo and milk situation. After so many years of benevolent cookie dominance, it looks like the Oreo has grown too powerful (and too arrogant!) for its own good. Worse, I think that the Oreo cookie may have corrupted good old Milk on its way to the top.

I’m still reeling from the discovery that Kellog’s now has a line of products that can make milk more fun. “Chocolate syrup be damned,” they said. “The dip-sip-munch is the most exciting way to drink milk since the breast.” And maybe that’s when it started, this crazy idea that Milk – after thousands of years, needed to, or should…change.

But let us take a step back. Just what has the Oreo cookie done?

Watch (or I’ll milk your eyes):

Classic Oreo slogan: America’s Favorite Cookie

New Oreo slogan: Milk’s Favorite Cookie

That’s right. The Oreo cookie has supplanted America. Worse, in order to accomplish this, it has taken something that used to be wonderful and pure (poor Milk!) and turned it into…this…

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Writer’s Note:  Ibiteyoureyes was (mistakenly!) under the impression that the Who Should Write Superman series was started in order to discuss who should write the sequel to Superman Returns, and not the comic book(s). Blame his bad memory, and blame the disappointment that was this movie, and blame The Bush Administration (why not?),  for this mistake.

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My first experience reading Frank Miller was not a good one. I picked up a copy of one of the Sin City graphic novels, “watched” a guy get hit by a car while grumbling campy dialogue for a few pages, and then put that copy right down.

There are two important points that I want to make, before someone from the Legion of Geeks (of which I – in addition to most of the saladeers – am probably a low-ranking member) flips out starts an anti-salad video blogging campaign (leave Frank Miller alone!) against this sweet and innocent textual blog.

  1. Let’s get this much gay at the inset: Miller has some serious talent. As some of his work has shown – he can take everything that is good about what is generally understood as the noir genre – and hone it into something special. Unlike some people, he can successfully turn style into substance. It just seems to me, though, that after a few early successes with this strategy, he got too big for his britches. And then his britches snapped open, like the britches of a certain other someone, and he was left with just some junk hanging in the air.
  2. I, as a person, and a biter of eyes, subject “the everyday” and “the mundane” to unhealthy levels of analysis and critique. It’s just the way I shook out. What does this have to do with Frank Miller? As I’ve pointed out, Miller uses many of the themes and devices inherent to noir, and I am a big, big noir fan – and one that places a lot of value on the importance of this genre’s roots. And I believe those roots should be respected. So when Miller (in my opinion) exploits the melodrama and the wisecracking and the tough-guy acts and the sex and etc. that serve as the genre’s main devices and tries to pass them off as the essence of the genre itself – rather than simply utilizing them to their fullest dramatic potential – that, quite simply, boils my bum.

Now…that being said…I firmly believe in battling my own early prejudices and judgments and giving everything as fair a shake as I can. So come over here and let me show you what things look like 180 degrees in the other direction.

I have read two Miller novels since that first, dirty dip in his bibliography, those two novels being: The Dark Knight Returns, and The Dark Knight Strikes Again. The quality and the success of these novels (particularly the first one) have convinced me that Miller should reach back in time, remember what made him good, and write Superman.

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