Facebook is to MySpace as Google is to Yahoo.

Is it true, or is it false?

Or is it both, with a little bit of who-gives-a-crap thrown in for good measure?

I would tweet the truth on Twitter but I’m no goddamn bird.

This is how people will write in the future, because everyone will be stupid, mad!, or, likely both. Everyone will be like me!

Obviously this is true.

Like a peek-a-boo glance at your bleeding 401k statement…

…ibiteyoureyes!

Previous installments of the Yesterday’s Salad Index: 0

Percentage of hits due to ibiteyoureyes’ posts about foot fetishists on Craigslist: %15

Average hits due to ibiteyoureyes’ “hottest cartoon redheads” post: 80

Average of these hits due to searches for “Jessica Rabbit”: 79

Comments asking for the return of L. P. Mandrake: 7

Typos featured in an average Yesterday’s Salad post: 4

Typos featured in an average L.P. Mandrake post: 0.2

Combined years of Yesterday’s Salad graduate school attendance: 6

Total letters contained in said graduate degrees: 11

Letters belonging to Rabbi Haverstam: 6

Barenaked Ladies albums listened to while composing last NWB post: 3

Years since listening to Barenaked Ladies was socially acceptable in the United States: 10

Diatribes written by the Ciceronian: 3

References to Cicero contained in the Ciceronian’s last posting: 67

Cumulative references to Catullus contained in the Ciceronian’s postings: 2

Unedited manuscripts written by Dash: 2

Total references to Portal in NWB postings thus far: 7

Letters of hate mail received after Yahtzee retrospective: 7

Letters of hate mail with correct punctuation, spelling, or coherence: 2

Hottest Cartoon Redheads

December 20, 2007

  1. Jessica Rabbit. Anyone who tries to argue otherwise either thinks its pathetic and creepy to discuss the hotness of cartoon redheads, or is just plain crazy.
  2. Jane Jetson. Jane Jetson is not as hot as Judy Jetson, but then again Judy Jetson is not a redhead.
  3. Erin Esurance. Technically a pinkhead, I allowed Erin Esurance on this list because she’ll kick the asses of all my robots if I don’t include her.
  4. The Little Mermaid. Ariel is pretty hot, but certain physiological unknowns cause her to drop a few spots.
  5. Jean Grey. Technically a comic book character first, and a cartoon second, otherwise she would probably challenge Jessica Rabbit for number one.
  6. Mary Jane Parker. Again, she’s technically a comic book character first. But Jean Grey is a little hotter, plus I have a lot of respect for Spider Man so I wouldn’t necessarily move on Mary Jane unless he did something really awful… like wear his hair down and dance with another woman right in front of Mary Jane (at her place of business!) just to make her jealous.
  7. Louis Griffin. I originally had Lois higher on this list, but my girlfriend talked me out of it. Also, the woman who voices Lois is also the woman who played Ms. Swan on MadTV, and Ms. Swan is about as unattractive as she is hilarious.
  8. Daphne Scooby Doo. I’m not that into Daphne, but shepicksyournose thinks that she is cartoon sexy.
  9. Wilma Flinstone. I like the bod that Wilma “Rocks,” but a woman’s eyes are important to me and Wilma’s share a little too much of a likeness with Frosty the Snowman’s.