Sir, I Demand Satisfaction
February 6, 2007
Dear Anonymous Google User:
We here at the Salad pride ourselves on being a good old fashioned family blog, just like the ones your grandparents read when they were young. Any perceived prurient pandering on our part has been purely accidental. We most certainly do not consort pornographers, be they new or otherwise. So imagine my horror when I find that you accessed our site through this google search term: “cate edwards” picture 2007 sex.
For shame, sir, for shame. How dare you besmirch the honor of such a fine upstanding young woman? How could you suppose that the daughter of John Edwards would ever take part in such tawdry behavior? Just look at the young lady you have so callously wronged:
Cate Edwards is an attractive and admirable young lady, so your curiosity is understandable, but those of us in civilized society must restrain such impulses. What you do in the privacy of your home is up to you, but your sort of filth has no business being on the internet. You, sir, are a degenerate and a disgrace. I shall not stand by as you sully the reputation of an innocent girl.
And to think, today was the day I was going to explain why her father would would not become president. Thanks to this disgusting ordeal, however, I think Ms. Edwards has suffered quite enough for one day.
Pistols at dawn!
L.P. Mandrake, Esq.